advertise with us

Come on, it wouldn't be the first time you entrusted your advertising dollars to an Idiot. How about that time you placed the ad for "House of Prime Rib" in the Vegetarian Times? Or the thirty-second spot for that testicular hair removal gel you ran on Lifetime?

Advertising with The Idiot is an extremely effective way to sell your products. Studies show that readers of The Idiot are affluent, wasteful, jump-on-any-bandwagon stooges who can be easily manipulated by crudely transparent marketing gimmicks. I should know: I just subscribed to Tivo!

There are several ways to slyly position your product, either on our website or in the magazine, for maximum impact. Here are just a few suggestions:

Got a website of your own? Then link to ours. If you trade links with us, then, in most cases, it's free. Unless we just don't like you, in which case we'll make linking to our site prohibitively expensive.

You don't need to have your own website to advertise on the web. Let The Idiot be the vehicle for dissemination of your capitalistic agenda! Prices are reasonable and The Idiot offers a level of service that other publications do not. For example, our staff can help put together slick, devious ad copy for you. Or, we can send cartoonist Andrew Davis over to wash and wax your car, or provide staff writer Mark Romyn to service you sexually.

The Idiot has a proven track record when it comes to increasing the sales of even the most tenuously useful and questionably legal products. Sales of Yippie Bourbon, "The Bourbon for Kids," tripled after the company took out three full-page ads in The Idiot to promote its "Back-to-School Kentucky Snak-PakTM" product line. And it's no secret in financial circles that The Idiot virtually single-handedly brought Milton Bradley & Co. back to life, with the popular "Yahtzee's not just for Nazis!" campaign.

The Idiot's editorial staff is powerful. We can force our writers and artists (a.k.a. subjects) to do just about anything we demand. You give us enough cash, and your product's name may simply "turn up" in every single one of our stories.

When you do something good, you want people to know, right? Sure, The Idiot doesn't help fight disease or world hunger. Sure, we're not promoting international civil rights or nuclear disarmament. And sure, the cause of comedy is not as sexy as, say, Muscular Dystrophy or Leprosy. But give money to us, and we'll let the world know about it!

For more information on advertising with The Idiot, email us at Advertise@TheIdiotMagazine.com.